eat broccoli.

…is what erenee said to me.
sweetest thing anyone’s said to me in a while.

i remmeber there was a time when i thought my life was perfect. this was back in may. i was working at budget with my best friend, and i loved my coworkers (erenee and benson); i helped out with the style spy in preparation for the fashion show; i helped my aunt with her wedding extravaganza; i had a small workload from summer school and i was doing well in that course; above all, i had factor x.

but obviously, when you have really high points in your life you are bound to crash and fall.

im probalby going on and on, it seems im doing more of that these days…but i probably wouldnt be this way if it was may again

 you get the instant that you realize you’ve lost something. although i’m talking about trivial personal belongings, belongings which can be replaced, but once something of yours is stolen a feeling of mistrust and insecurity arises.

having stuff stolen is just plain crappy.

when i become obessed with a song, or certain song themes, i listen to it on my playlist again and again. right now i’m going through an emotional, chinese song phase. i only have 5 on my ipod and i’ve arranged them on top of the list. after the fifth song finishes i scroll back up so i can listen to the same five songs again, and agian, and again– yes, you’ve guessed it– and again.
the silly thing is, i dont even completely understand the depth of the lyrics. and from what i do understand, it’s so power and its meaning is so touching i cannot seem to loosen the grasp of it. i’m completely addicted. i’m hooked and can’t go back.
maybe i’m just self-involved. i seem to think that every song relates to me in some way or another. this is why music and songs are so popular– we can relate. misery loves company! i can’t stop listening to these songs because even though these are just songs, i somehow like to believe that they (the singers) are experiencing the same thing and we’re bonded through these intense lyrics.
it’s good to know i’m not alone.

 what constitutes for success?

my mommy’s drilled into my head since i was a child that i must get into university, get my degree, and with this degree it will enable me to find a great career and lead a ’successful’ life.

why do people continue on with their education after high school?

probably the same reason my mommy’s conditioned me to believe. the thing is, if everyone thinks this way competition becomes greater and space becomes more limited. which is the reason why most people continue their education: to survive. before it was the survival of the fittest back in pre-industrial times, now in order to survive we must reach high in the cooperate ladder in this urban world.

a friend of a friend stated the obvious and pointed out how everyone has imprisoned themselves in post secondary and after school is followed by either more education or a career. so you know what he has planned for himself instead? he plans to go buy a farm in argentina and marry a latina.

how profound.

i actually admire this guy, i have no idea who he is, but i like the way he thinks. in fact, i think he’ll probably be a lot more happy with this lifestyle than many, many people stuck climbing the cooperate ladder.

this reminds me of a conversation i had with my mommy in grade 12. i said: can’t i just be successful by being a loving wife? an admirable mother? a wise grandmother? a caring sister? a supportive friend? a helpful coworker? a valuable employee?

now i want to go to peru and milk llamas.

lately i’ve been feeling uninspired to write. but THIS, this i’ve got to write about.

my sister left her soompi screen up on the desktop, and the thread she was reading was: critque my appearance. this girl posted pictures of herself and asked other soompiers to comment on her apperance, and basically ‘critque’ the way she looks, and asking for suggestions on how she should ‘change her looks.’

um…enough said.

i shouldn’t be the one to judge, but, wow, what low self-esteem. it’s really sad. not sad, like pathetic sad, but upsetting kind of sad… to think that she’s turning to strangers for opinions, instead of people who actually matter– that is, if she needs to change at all. which brings me back to the low self-esteem issue. she probably just wants reassurance and want others to tell her that she’s fine the way she is; why can’t she seek comfort in those she love and trust?

after this post, others replied asking for other soompiers to judge them on their looks. these people…

but honestly, i wonder what triggered this? i wonder what led this young girl to believe that she even had to change her physical appearance. i should be more empathetic and should not critique her too harsly. i mean, sure, her approach is a bit whacko, but everyone has different ways of dealing with their circumstances.

i’ve had people tell me my nose was too flat; a decade ago my uncle said i had buck teeth; in high school people told me i gained a lot of weight over summer and was considered to be pudgy. but if it wasn’t for a little transformation, braces, and everyone else to gain weight too then i may seek sompi forums.. hmmmmmmmm

i’m glad i’ve been– for the most part– happy with the way i am.