eat broccoli.

so i’ve 10 min befor ei have to go to class. im bored so i will use this time to write a stream of consciousness. you know, the type of exercise english teachers make you do in high school or post secondary? well here i am now! hmm whta can i say. today i got my mt back and i did le crap. how wonderful. and let’s see…………………….cnat think of anything cannot think of anything!! why wont anything come out? okay! i know, so yest in lit class we read this really, really great sonnet. it’s by hopkins. and one of the lines goes: and why must/ Disappointment always endeavor end?
something like that. i cant remmeber the exact quotation…anyway, none of hopkins poems make perfect sense with regards to syntax! so sort of sounds ESL-ish. but really, it’s brilliant. i wish i could write brilliant poetry. i never really had a knacke for writing poetry…in gr 5 we wrote haikus and i wrote a really pathetic one about brekaing free of the shell…and me being a bird..and how once the shell was broken a “beautiful world cam ethrough.” SERIOUSLY! how do i always spontaneously remember lines like that?

today i have work for only 4 hrs. i doubt i made even 100 dollars from the 2 shifts i’ve had. oh boo! how will i afford christmas shopping? in fact, i havent even done any ACTUAL shopping in a while! since i came back from china…cause i’ve been broke! ah! oh so broke.

flow income, please flow!!!!!!

let’s see..what else can i blab about? for some reason im feeling awfully calm about my 3 finals coming upnext week. 3 finals within the span of 2 days! and yet, no panic attack. liss says it’s because im prepraed. but i havent really started any actual studying yet..so we’ll see. i notice that im a very fast and efficient worker. i dont really like to take my time with things. i like to get things done sepedy quick!

ahh my fingers hurt from typing at cheetah speed (tahhaha, well not really cheetah speed…more like deer speed). anywya. hmmm about 3 more min left?

i cant believe it’s the last day of classes!!!!! unbelievable!

i herad carolers in the hallways. singing ‘we wish you a merry christmas’ they were the engineer barbarians though. cause immediately afterwards they did their little cheer: we are, we are, we are the engineers. we can, we can, we can something something something.

and i ate a candy cane in my last class. how christmassy can i get?

i wonder if we’ll put up the tree this weekend
i sure hope so
cuase i really like chrstimas!!

i jsut realized i’ll be missing out on A LOT of christmasy foods.
i wont be able to eat chestnuts…and indulge in turkey and gravy. omgat! im so upset!!!
so just to fill you in, im getting my wisdom teeth extracted on dec 20th= no solid food for iono how long! and i may plump up into a chipmunk. and hta’ts always attractive!
ugh. HOLIDAY PHOTOS. first time i wont be looking forward to those…tahhaha

okay time’s up! my hand hurts!
good day!

i read an old journal of mine the other day. it still has that flowery, notebook scent with pretty cartoons on every page and coloured in pastel pink, blue, yellow and green. oh the silly mind of angela the second grader. i was devotedly in love with ivan and i vowed to marry him. i still remember those elementary school days when i’d think about that sweet, sweet ivan and how he was probably equally in love with me as i to him.
and if that failed, i had planned on marrying fabian. i was so silly!
and i think at one point i was interested in seven boys stimutaneously! oh how i sinned. (this was probably the first grade, mind you).

sally and linus, the storyline of my (elementary school) life.
if anyone were to feel the pangs of unrequited love it would be sally. she’s such a strong soldier, perhaps a loss in dignity and integrity during the battle for love, but nonetheless, a very strong soldier.
she should never, and i repeat never, be the role model of young girls. as sexist as this may sound, i still believe that girls should never chase. if linus isn’t doing anything, then sally should just take the hint: he’s just not that into her.
time and time again, vince would remind me that guys are quite shy until the 20s, and even then they will have anxiety problems; but he would always enforce that if a guy was interested enough he would do something. actions speak for themselves. plus, isn’t the assertiveness of taking action the first sign of confidence? why would anyone settle for less?

anywho, since i’m sort of talking about relationships…did anyone watch gossip girl last night?
imagnie how devasting it would be to be married for twenty years and then the husband runs off…with another man! seriously, i cannot even begin to fathom what that would be like! intense, no doubt. i wonder how often this happens…

btw, notice how i never talk about boys…well consider this to be a special entry. tahah.

okay, toodles!

i will now make a list of all my pet-peeves and the small things that bother me regardless of its significance:
-leg-shakers. i live in vancouver, i’m afraid of earthquakes as it is. please stop moving the ground around me!
-etre en retard. if i can help it, im a very punctual person. so if you’re late, you piss me off! the end.
-my philosopher prof likes to say the word “guy(s)” a lot. since i never listen in that class anyway, i decided to keep a tally of how many times he says it. so from 12:25- 12:45, he said it 32 times. for a professor to resort to the word “guy(s)” at Every lecture is disappointing…so i guess my point is: lack of eloquence when it’s appropriate bothers me.
-i also get easily annoyed at noises, noises, noises. fidgeting fingers that click on pens– ugh. pop, pop, popping bubble gums– ugh. the sound of uneaseful breathing; are you sick? then blow your nose, please for the sake of my sanity!
-head-patters. why are you patting my head? are you patrionizing me?
-people who turn up the volume of their music super loud on the bus when it’s early in the morning and i just want to rest my eyes. does the whole bus need to know you have bad taste when it comes to music?

and yes i am aware i sound totally unpleasant and sort of bitchy. but i need to get it out or else i will suffocate in my own annoyance! yes, it seems like almost anything can bug me…
i’m not even totally done with my list yet. im about 50% done my term paper..so i better continue while i’m ahead.

toodles.

strangers become friends, then friends become strangers again.

i have probably made 1500 acquintanceships, if not more. and it saddens me that people who were so dear to me in elementary, high school, encounters of canada, and j’expore french camp are mere acquaintances. it was a false reality to believe that i would keep in touch with these friends. but that’s what happens, you make friends and soon they become strangers…

there are jabillion people in the world! isnt it just pure serendipity that two people meet and become friends? it takes such fate. it just makes me so, so sad that this fate gets taken for granted and soon friends part and may never talk/ see each other again.

if i had it my way, i would try to keep in contact with ALL my dear friends. but i know that this would be a very exhausting responsbility. and perhaps this will turn me depressed. i’d wonder: why am i always the one to make the effort to stay in touch? do i value their company way more than they value mine? and so forth. it’d be emotionally draining.

i feel like a hypocrite because i broke up a friendship this past summer. i mean, how rarely does this happen anyway? so here i am blabbing about how i want to keep all my friendship ties and i went and broke one of them.

anyway, it is important to remove the excess. trim the fat. if a friendship actually becomes emotionally heavy, perhaps it is good to take it off.

okay but back to the original topic…
now a real phenomenon in this whole losing contact is with past girlfriends and boyfriends. i mean, during the relationship you would be in each other’s company a lot, and talk a lot. and isnt it just so sad that some past relationships don’t even continue as on a friendship basis anymore? a higher being (don’t know who…) created these two people, and the fact that they are able to build a relationship between one another and despite having separated, they don’t even spend time with one another anymore! i wonder why that happens…
as formerly mentioned: REMOVE THE EXCESSS. TRIM THE FAT.

on this makes me feel so conflicted! human contact is a phenomenon i will never fully understand…never.

i’m a tad strange, i will admit.
but to what extent?

remember the poem i wrote in june? it’s called “i like this weather;” well basically, it is about how i like cloudy weather since it hints at rain and i like rain because then i can wear my yellow rain boots. is that twisted?

i’d tell my friends: i hope it rains tomorrow so i can wear my rain boots and use my sunflower umbrella.

well, my sunflower umbrella is broken, so boo-hoo for that!

so, now that it’s winter i go: i hope it’s super cold so i can wear my earmuffs!

earmuffs are offically my latest obsession.
tehehe.

although, i really, really, really want plain, white earmuffs. oh well, mine are just as adorable. i suppose.

okay, im going to prepare myself a productive day! yay!

and i will start on my work…eventtttttttttttttttuuuuuuually!

xox

i absolutely ADOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE this poem by t.s. eliot. i don’t think i’ve ever liked a poem like this before.

here’s one of my favourite stanzas of this poem:
And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes; 25
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate; 30
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

i love the repetition of “time.” it seems like prufrock is justifying how he doesn’t need to seize the day (carpe diem), how he has “the time” to go abouts without taking action. his inability to take action, make decisions and his constant contemplation reminds me of myself, but obvioiusly, he is to the extreme of this obsession.

never once does he actually make this “the love song” as expected of his readers. he is so afraid to go through with it and expose himself. what he does expose, however, is this self-conflicting angst of this mask: what he wants people to see, and what he tries to conceal. like he said: to prepare a face to meet the faces that you will meet. everyone puts on a mask…

i also love the part where he talks about “a pair of ragged claws/ scuttling across the floors of silent seas…” is that synedoche? or a metonym? anyway, obviously he’s using the device to represent a crab. and what do we know of crabs? they can only shuffle sideways, and they cannot move forward.

–

i just love this poem. so i decided to share my life with liss on the bus today. i whipped out my poem and i started analyzing it with her. and then after i would finish my point this man standing on the bus would nod his head confirming all my thoughts. then after a little while, we had a tiny dicussion about the poem and he helped explain some latin/ greek that i dindt understand.

turns out he’s a professor at ubc and he’s planning to treach prufrock to his arts one class in the spring semester.

now im going to be a tad more cautious when i analyze a timeless poem, such as prufrock.

but isnt this amazing? it’s like poetry bonding people– strangers on the bus!

that’s all for now!

i grew up singing along to musicals. i adore julie andrews. i think i saw ‘the sound of music’ and ‘mary poppin’s 1000+ times– no jokes. and then there were the disney princess movies where i’d role play as the princess.

contemporary musicals like, ‘high school musical’ and ‘hairspray’ just doesn’t match the talent and soulfulness of my childhood movies.

why don’t they make movies like they used to?

i was watching ’singing in the rain’ just 10 min ago. now That’s a true musical production.
jazz, ballet, singing, acting, love, depth, flamboyant costumes, and classy actors & actresses.

channel 46 is awesome. they always play my fav kind of movies– and commerical free too!
esp when it gets closer to christmas. i can’t wait for christmassy movies!

sleeping on bus is so hard to do!
during my entire commuting career, i’ve only slept on the bus once and that was because i was sick and tired.

today, i attempted to sleep. i was super tired, really, i was.
so i closed my eyes and after several minutes i had to reposition myself.
i opened my eyes
and i saw another pair of eyes staring at me.

THIS is why i dont sleep on bus.

it’s sort of creepy wakin gup to someone else’s stare.
although, since i’m always awake on the bus i stare at other people sleepy. tehehe.
it amuses me!

anyway, today i bumped into an old friend. he asked me…
why do you have a bruise under one eye?
bruise?
yeah, it’s under your right eye.
um…
oh wait, i think it’s bags
yes, discoloured bags. lovely.

then i asked someone else to confirm whether or not it’s true…and apparently it does look a little bruised. AHHH. insane.

too bad i have class in about 18 min, or else i’d want to have a quick nap.

heart you later!

i know i shouldn’t be proud of this, and i want you to know that i am not, but i’m honest, so i’ll tell you.
friday morning i skipped my 11am class (again) to do a little shopping (again). ridiculous, i know. there was an incrediable sale and i wanted to be the first one in the store! and lamely, i was. anyway, so i got to school at noon, went to the phil help lab, had lunch, studied for more phil, did my phil quiz, went downtown, went out for dinner, did a little cruising, and got home at around 10 30ish.

today, i woke up before my alarm even went off. i got to campus before 9. i had an 8 hr long boot camp. it was intense but it was so amazing. i got to talk to another co-op student who did her work terms focused on journalism– BINGO! i even got her email, im going to do a follow-up, she’s my new idol…so im home now.

my plans for tonight: scarf down my dinner, head out to my aunt’s cause i haven’t visited her and baby in awhile now, then head to volunteer for my brother’s dating seminar as a donation collector. fun times, fun times.
or should be at least!

right now, i feel like my life is so gorgeous. not wonderful, not marvelous, not glamorous– but gorgeous. it’s a vision. it’s so beautiful, artists should make a painting (or some form of art work) out of it. i’m seeing things in a brand new perspective; i’m doing things i normally wouldn’t try; i’ve family that care deeply for my well-being; i’ve friends that take time and listen to me blab on and on, the list only begins from here.
last week i couldn’t make out how gorgeous my life is because my ugly term paper had muckled the surface for me. my friends took the time to proof read my boring essay, and they genuinely looked through it carefully. my life’s gorgeosity level is so high i can’t even begin to express my appreciation!

i guess long days serve a purpose: it gives me time to reflect and appreciate! and at times, i do something productive…like, actually.

that’s all for now.
love ya later!

…nothing creepy about that. reader’s digest says it’s totally normal, as long as my “thoughts” don’t start telling me what to do. tehehe

so i kept on going up and down the stairs getting food. my mom hears me chirping and singing.
“are you joining another singing thing?”
“no, can’t i just sing, mom?”
geez, must my enjoyment of singing be purposeful?

singing and dancing: my two greatest passions.

when i am filled with joy i spontaneously sing and dance around the house.
i become willingly trapped within a blissful realm;
a realm i can only comprehend and appreciate.
i’d move fluidly as if i were a prima ballerina.
dainty and delicate as butterfly wings.
heart-strings guide my movements with graceful strength.
upon a stage i would dance with honest expression.

funny how i break out into poetic language. i’ve been doing WAY too much writing…or just me staring into space while i try to concentrate and write. sometimes i think i have attention problems. actually, who am i kidding? i constantly wonder if i have attention problems.

oooooooooooooooooooooooomgaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

christmas, come to town soon! god speed christmas!
43 more days to go!

im so excited! how will i sleep tonight?!
thinking about christmas fills me with such happinessssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

better start buying those christmas cards…and stamps!!!

—-me