she thinks it will be too difficult for me to haul around two suitcases AND a backpack (it’s a big hiking backpack because i might need it for travelling during the weekends) AND my handbag. but i think it’s do-able. sure i’ll be awkward for a day around customs and immigration in the airport, but how else will i bring everything i need!

my mom says to only bring 3 pairs of shoes. um.

and to only bring 2 other handbags. um.

i can’t decide which scarves to bring? um.

and jeans? and teeshirts? and sweaters? um.

too many decisions!

now my mom warns me not to go “crazy” when i go shopping in japan. pshaw. me? no restraint when it comes to shopping? umpossible.

packing flusters me.

love ya later!

and my japanese still kinda sucks. i cannot understand anything nor can i formulate sentences. i hope this will all change when i arrive in japan.

okay that’s all for now!

xox

you know that ‘the office’ episode where the guy is heartbroken so he plays ‘goodbye my lover’ on repeat. well i am not listening to any particular song on repeat but i am listening to a playlist of songs that remind me of nicholas. and i am not heartbroken. i just realized i will not be seeing him for possibly eight months, and maybe three months if i am lucky.

it still has not kicked in yet. the closest moment to me realizing that i will not see him for a long time was when i wanted to drop him off instead of him bussing me home. i wanted to spend more time with him, you see. and his mom wanted him home by 7 30. so i walked him to his apartment. when he finally went into the elevator it still did not hit me. a few moments later he opened the elvator door and started waving at me. i waved back. and then the door closed. i stood there looking at the numbers go up…G, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 and finally it landed on the 14th floor. and that’s when i knew the elevator door was not going to open again and i would not see him smiling at me while he waved.

still, i did not cry.

i went home and started compiling all our photos into the photo album he gave me. i called him once i got home to let him know i got home safely. and then he called me after his shower. still, it did not hit me.

he called me after he checked in the airport and we talked for an hour. and still, it did not hit me. i felt indifferent. after we hung up i went to sleep immediately.

i woke up around 2 though and i probably didn’t sleep until 5 even after i drank warm milk. so maybe it does affect me subconsciously.

i woke up at 8. and didnt’ make the playlist until 9. and this is what i have been listening to for the past 1.5 hrs.

ideally i would not want a boyfriend before i leave for japan because distance will either make the heart grow fonder or it will make the eyes wander. it’s too much of an emotional risk. and nicholas was never in the picture when i applied for the japan co-op program. i’ve asked him several times “what did you get yourself into?” and he’d always reply with “a great thing.”

we’ve already taken a giant leap of faith. we’ll have to see where we go from here…

this is how i see it:
-you probably won’t remember much of the material that you’re studying for anyway (unless you need to immediately apply it to your next exam/next course/career/life)
-grades won’t matter unless you pass (unless you are applying for a graduate school). i mean, your future employers isn’t going to ask to see your grades. the fact that you have your diploma or a certficiate that proves you completed the program is sufficient.
-it stresses you out and makes you break out! (to be truthful i can’t think of a convincing third reason).

yeah iono. im lazy and im trying to think of reasons not to study. and if i am able to convince othe rpeole too then i wont feel so guilty about not studying. tahahhaha

xoxo

now that i have one, i wonder why i haven’t been able meet some sooner!
haha don’t get me wrong or anything… i don’t make friends based on their sexuality. it’s not like i have some sort of criteria sheet that i make them fill or anything!

well, i met my new best friend at work last week. we just *clicked* because it’s practically written in our DNA or something.

this is why gay friends are fab:
did you know they always give honest and fabulous shopping advice?
it’s true. i came into work when i saw him in change rooms. i tried on a couple hats and he just openly gave me his opinion. i never asked for it– i like shopping on my own. but it was very sweet of him to give me his honest opinion. being the indecisive person that i am, i really needed it at that moment.

did you know they always give great relationship advice?
it’s true. one of my co-workers was having relationship problems and he just stepped up to the plate and gave her his two cents. i was listening the whole time amazed by his insight. it was totally in an optimistic guy p.o.v. because sometimes girls jump to conclusion and assume the worst. at least i know i am like that. but listening to him say a few things, as briefly as it was, was enlightening and helpful.

did you know that they will be your gay-club clubbing buddy?
it’s true. i told him i wanted to go to celebrities and only guess what? I AM GOING NEXT SATURDAY. i have always wanted to go to a gay club since before i turned 19. and this heightened after i went to the gay pride parade. i am super excited for next saturday!!!

anyway, i am sure this list will lengthen as i begin to spend more time with him. too bad i am leaving soon! or not. stupid japanese embassy. did i mention i dont know when i am leaving to japan now?!

xox
miss distressed.

back in the summer of 2005 i attended the j’explore french program. i roomed with the two most fabulous people you could ever meet: carla from nova scotia and nala from toronto. we made a vow to write to each other every two months by snail mail– never happened. nor have i been getting any telephone calls from either of them. i’ve only called carla one other time and i’ve called nala once before too. but i dont’ recall them ever calling me.

well last night, i had a dream about carla and tim– they met at french camp, and had a little break inbetween but continued their relationship, and both attend MUN university in newfoundland– and how they visited me. it was a vivid dream. my store manager was in the dream too. kind of weird.

they wanted to go eat pho and then i promised them that i’d take them to bon’s for breakfast the following morning.

last night i was about to call them, but i was too caught up in watching random ‘sex and the city’ episodes for the first time. i guess this is why i dreamt about them.

unfortunately carla wasn’t home and was at the library. so i talked to tim instead. he said he wasn’t much of a conversationalist and our convo wasn’t more than 8 min. but boy did those 8 min seem to drag on! it’s hard for people to just reconnect again after such a long period of non-communication.

well, this isn’t totally true.

my friend christie, whom i also met at french camp, call me once in awhile and we’d take turns. all our convos are about an hr long. but that’s short considering how much catching up we have to do on each other’s lives! we talk during the summer and during winter break. that’s it. so really, one hr isn’t really sufficient catching-up time at all! oh well. they’re still great convos, nonetheless.

i talked about this before: people start off as strangers, become friends, and then become strangers again. it’s a sad, sad phenomenon. but it’s reality.

but i’m such a sentimental person, i wish it weren’t true.

anyway, i bet those were a painful 8 min for tim. esp cause he had to study for his final tomorrow and woke up at 6am to do a final and then study some more.

next time i hope to get a hold of carla, my dear, sweet, sweet ex-roommate whom i miss beaucoup.

i will now leave you with a quote from catcher in the rye: “don’t tell anybody anything. if you do, you start missing everybody.”

xox

i’m a commuter. i take the bus all the time– it’s my only way of transportation, basically.

i’ve met some pretty rude bus drivers. ones that would give attitude and would just give you a grumpy look when you step onto the bus. those folks hate their jobs and they don’t even try to hide it.

i’ve also met some pretty outgoing and spunky bus drivers.
just the other day on board the 99 the bus driver said:
-and this is cambie, where the government is taking our tax dollars to tear up this street.
-next stop is granville…granny-ville
-at ubc for the egotistic elite. haha.
another time when i boarded the 99 it was the bus driver’s birthday. the entire bus ride he narrated it like it was an airplane.
-we’re experiencing some minor turbulence
and since it was his birthday…
-”instead of the 99 b-line, can we call this the birthday bus?”
-”happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me”
that morning, he received a lot of ‘happy birthdays’

so back to why i started this blog in the first place…
yesterday when i took the #16 i met a super friendly bus driver. he said ‘hello’ to everybody that came onto the bus. he would announce the bus stop prior to stopping and he was just so gosh darn jolly! the #16 gonig to 29th ave starts from arbutus. now, i’ve never taken the whole ‘start to end’ bus ride so i don’t really know how long it takes. but i’m assuming over an hr. so, for the bus driver to keep up his enthusiasm and not lose spunk by the time he arrived at my bus stop is super impressive. aside from the said, translink said that the bus should arrive at 3 27 and it did! so he was punctual AND friendly AND helpful.

what more could you ask for?

so after we arrived at the station i went up to the bus driver and i told him how much i appreciated his friendliness and helpfulness. i asked him if there was a name i could reference or an employee number so i could make a compliment to translink. he was so gracious and flattered.

afterwards when i arrived at metrotown i called translink and i gave him all the bus information i knew. what time he picked me up and from where. the bus number. and when we arrived at the skytrain station. i think the lady on the phone was very surprised that someone was calling to make a compliment. but people should be acknowledged for their great job. i’m always so flattered when a customer asks for my name so she could compliment me to the manager.

and it made me feel good that i was able to encourage that bus driver for doing what he’s been doing. and to make him know that his willingness to go the extra mile is appreciated.

if everybody gave a little compliment, the world would be a happier place!

xox
 

i don’t like it when sites do that. about a couple weeks ago facebook pulled the same thing: they changed their site. when i was going through my account information and account settings i found it hard to navigate.

when i returned to xanga after abandoning it for over a year, i didn’t even know what to do anymore. everything changed.

the only thing constant is change.

and this makes me wonder: what will happen when i come back from japan after 8 months and all my friends have changed and i can no longer communicate with them? what if my leave causes rifts in our relationships? what if i’ve changed?

i don’t like change. can you tell?

everytime i order food from a restaurant i never step outside of my comfort zone. i always order the same thing. i am loyal to what i like. but this is food. food cannot make judgements and reject me.

but people can.

will i stay among the same circle of friends when i come back? will i talk to the same peeps as i always do? will i be able to tell liss every second of my life? or will she find someone else to do that? will my baby cousins even remember me after i come back? or will they forget?

oh yeah.
on friday i went to the police station after procrastinating for 3 weeks. it costed $60 to get a criminal records check! SIXTY-DOLLLARS, HOLLLARRRR!!

i wonder why saving money is so hard. i wonder.

a nuisance, who sent? you sent for me?

so the other day jayjay and i had a discussion about pursuit and gender roles. i know that we are in the twenty-first century, but i have some pretty anti-feminist ideals. i am going to put it out there anyway. 

i firmly believe that guys should still be the pursuers, even though current teen magazines would describe how liberating it feels for a girl to ask a guy out. but ladies, don’t you know your worth? you only deserve the best: appreciation, adoration, admiration, and the list goes on. you shouldn’t have to move a finger because the best will come to you.

and if he doesn’t? then perhaps he’s just not that into you. but if he does like you and he still doens’t do anything then this says two things. one: perhaps he needs a little nudge, some guys are naturally super shy and just need assurance. two: he’s a lost cause because you want a guy who is confident and assertive– you will not settle for anything less.

i mean, isn’t any guy who subjects himself to vulnerbility and rejection worthy enough for your consideration? this is the greatest display of confidence and assertiveness. who’s ever heard of anyone looking for someone who’s insecure.

hi my name is jane and i am looking for an insecure, indecisive, lazy boy. you don’t often come across one of these characters– i guarantee you.

remember: a guy who does not pursue you is either not into you or he’s not good enough for you. in both cases, he’s not worth your time.

“She will and she can find a man who knows her worth!
Mmmmmmmmm

(Chorus)
‘Cause a real man knows a real woman when he
sees her (when he sees her)
And a real woman knows a real man
Ain’t ‘fraid to please her (please her)
And a real woman knows a real man always
comes first (first)
And a real man just can’t deny
A woman’s worth” — Alicia Keyes

Gat. i hate being sick. nothing tastes good and i am restricted from eating so many things. i know some people just eat whatever they want when they are sick, but my family has always taught me otherwise. you can’t eat spicy stuff that may provoke the throat, cold stuff, fried stuff, greasy stuff, etc. i must stick with plain wholesome food.

anyway, i felt so restricted at my sister’s birthday party. we went to ebisu and i wanted to eat raw oysters, so for the first ten minutes i watched everybody else eat it. i stayed back and watched. and then i couldn’t contain myself so i grabbed one and slurped it up. yum. i hope it was worth it. ALSO it was a friday, so i couldn’t eat red meat. so not only could i not eat cold (although i already disobeyed this rule), spicy, fried, greasy food but i could not eat red meat.

my fault for getting sick.

i just want to put it out there…i think it’s pretty rad that my sister invited me to her birthday dinner amongst her friends. how often does your sibling invite you to their birthday dinner with all her other friends when they’re in high school?! this must mean i am cool enough by high school standards. and that’s pretty cool in my books.

i am going to gulp down some cough and cold medicine. perhaps some neocitran? or buckley’s? i wonder if there are side affects for mixing medicines…

love ya later!
–boots